My Bloody Valentine 3D

Genre: Horror/Thriller

Director: Patrick Lussier

Screenplay: Zane Smith and Todd Farmer

Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, and Kerr Smith

After ten years the town of Harmony is still feeling the pain and fear of the Valentine’s Day Massacre. When his father died, Tom was forced to return to place where Harry Warden almost killed him, a place he had left behind him ten years ago including the love of his life, Sarah. Harmony seems to be full of surprises for Tom. His former girlfriend is now married and has a child. She is also married to old classmate, AxeI. Not only is Axel still a jerk to Tom, but now he’s the sheriff. The biggest surprise of them all is that Harry Warden doesn’t seem to be dead anymore, and he’s picked up right where he left off.

This is a typical slasher flick, following the rules to a tee. It really doesn’t matter what happens in this type of film as long as there are elaborate and gory methods of killing off characters and at least one poor girl is naked for no good reason at all. These films are not exactly concerned with the story or acting, period. I should also point out that this film was indeed a remake, which means the gore and nakedness has to be tripled.

This film had some awkward and uncomfortable death scenes in it, for me at least. I think I’m starting to mature, who knew? I am very aware that a movie is fake, but if I’m cringing over the gore, then that means it’s pretty graphic. They definitely stepped up the gore in this film compared to the original. The fact the film was in 3D helped the gore and effects out tremendously. 3D has become the new fad right now, but this film was one of the first horror films of the current fad to get the treatment. I fully feel that the 3D does actually make the movie more watchable. As far as up-ing the nudity, it graduated from what I like to refer to as “the unnecessary boob shot” that all eighties horror movies loved to use, to a graphic sex scene to the poor girl running around naked until she meets her inevitable death. I know a lot of my guy friends would argue with me and tell me that there is no such thing as unnecessary nudity, but throughout that entire scene all I could think was, “Why is she naked?” and “Why’d they have to kill the midget?” The untimely death of any midget is upsetting enough.

So, why is this film in my top ten list if I’m rating it so low and why in the hell do I own it? There is a simple answer to this question, an answer so good, that there is no need for further explanation other than two words. That answer would be: Jensen Ackles.

I give this film 2 Buttery Kernals.

Coming Soon: Hollow